We love to feel helpful and needed. It goes back deep and is rooted in our basic need as social creatures: to be accepted by others. Due to this, when someone comes to you with a problem, usually personal problems, you have this instinctive urge to give unsolicited advice.
As also understood by psychologists around the world, people usually just wanted to be heard. They just want to take out the burdens in their chest and mind. Most of them already have the answer to their problems.
First, we need to differentiate two types of problems: technical problems and relationship problems.
Technical problems such as how to change a light bulb, fix a car, or cook spaghetti. If you have the experience, you can share your knowledge or expertise right away. No issue.
Even that, the person asking may not follow your advice, and you ended up feeling hurt.
The second type of problem, the relationship problem, is the one you should avoid giving out any advice.
Problems between parent and children, between husband and wife, between lovers, or even between employee and her boss.
Like a Judge before passing a judgment, you need to know the whole story. And the truth is, you don’t. Even if the person said so, it’s not the whole story.
When someone comes to you with this type of problem, they do not sincerely need your advice. They just need an ear to listen. And probably a shoulder to cry on. RIP Tommy Page.
If she says she needs your opinion, what she really wants is a validation of the solution she already has. If you agree with that solution, you’re telling her what she already knows. If you disagree with her, you’re setting up a new relationship problem. This time between you and her.
Everyone is blessed with free will. Nobody wants to be told what to do with their lives. Nobody. Even you yourself. All they want from you is your affirmation of what they feel, think, and plan to do.
When someone comes to you with a problem, the best you can do as a friend is to lend her your attentive ears. Listen actively. Repeat what she says, to show you are listening to her. Also, ask away open questions to encourage her to take everything out of her chest.
If you are a religious person, pray with her to seek God’s guidance in her “darkest times”. Remind her not to take a rash judgment before taking any action she will regret later.
That’s what a friend is for.